Suspect Letter from Suspicious Source

Recipient: Subject 14C106, Elija Cortez
Sender: Clifford Julian "CJ" Valis AKA "Huggo", employee, Age: 28
Date of receipt: 5-13-2014

Transcript

Outer document, handwritten on yellow legal paper:

Boss:

You said to forward any business materials. This looked like junk mail, but you said to send everything, and let you call the shots. Please get back to me ASAP, and let me know what to do about it.

-Huggo

Enclosed document on LargessCorp letterhead, ultrawhite heavyweight paper:

Dear Mr. Cortez,

Are you currently interested in growing your business’s profits? Is the future of your stagnating business keeping you up? What if I told you, you could grow your business with as little as thirty minutes of extra work a day, or even just twenty? I’m here to tell you, it’s true: we at the Largess Corporation are offering a class which will help you grow your business one hundred percent.

In today’s economy, the burden of being an employer can be heavy. The current business climate sees a lot fewer gains than losses. At the Largess Corporation, we know what you’re up against. If you want to turn your business around, remember this acronym: A.L.K.N. It stands for: Always Looking for Knowledge and Networking; and it’s the hottest business advice you’ll hear this season, from the West Coast to the Eastside.

It means, f course, means you should never stop learning or meeting new people—and this one, six week course will show you how and where to do something so essential.

The only thing we’ll need is your credit card information, with permission to authorize. Get back to us soon, because there’s no limit to the amount of growth your business could experience: both external and internal. For a loyalty discount, mention this promotion!

Flagged: Subject 14C106 is known criminal. CJ Valis is known criminal. Enclosed letter does not meet with usual standards of writing found in large marketing firms / LargessCorp owned by Brickwork Holdings, CEO: Elija Cortez.

Analysis:

Profits up twenty percent (break) Heavy losses against ALKN Eastside (break) Essential (break) Authorize internal promotion.

Note: ALKN probably Almighty Latin King Nation, Eastside: Chicago chapter of large Hispanic gang

No. 1 Fan

Recipient: Subject 15A242, Amy Alder
Sender: James Lund, Bandmate, Age: 30
Date of receipt: 7-15-2015

Transcript

Dear Amy,

Patty, Zach and I were talking to Dad (This is Jimmy), and we all kind of agree that you’re probably sitting wherever you are feeling bad that you didn’t tell us sooner, or that you brought some heat down on us, or any other of a million things you can blame yourself for. I’m writing to tell you not to.

I can’t speak for Patrick or Dad, but Zach and I always knew you were special. I mean, we didn’t know you were that special. We didn’t know you could blow stuff up with your voice kind of special. But the other stuff? We knew that wasn’t all talent.

When you sing, it’s like you take the music and put it right in people’s hearts. You skip right past the ears and the brain and stuff, and you just download raw emotion right into people. I don’t even know if you can feel what we feel when we hear your voice, because it’s not like anything we’ve ever felt before. Zach’s not here, but I’m sure it’s the same for him (twin thing).

We’ve been your band for almost two years at this point, and we can tell when you’re in your groove, doing your thing. Sometimes you just bring this presence to the stage, and we know it’s going to be one of those nights where you bring the house down; it was like that the night they came after you—actually that might have been the best show we’ve ever done.

Everyone in the venue was just so damn happy. Even after things got weird and we were all outside with cops and ambulances and stuff, I had people coming up to me thanking me for the concert, asking if you’d be okay and when we’d come through again on tour. They loved you, Amy.

I don’t know if I’d be able to behave myself if I could do what you do. Have you ever thought about going into a bank and just making all the tellers feel so sorry for you that they start handing you money? Or going into a strip club and, well, you know what I mean.

Actually, what am I saying? It hasn’t, has it? That’s what makes you so great. Maybe that’s why you have super powers and I have a bass.

You know what I said about how, when you sing, it’s not all talent? Well, it’s not all super power, either.

Don’t stop singing. When you get back from wherever you are (Dad says it’s a prison, but Zach and I say it’s a training camp, and Patrick says they’re doing experiments on you; Zach punched him for that) we’re going on tour, and we’re going to rock the shit out of seriously cool places. Some serious venues are asking us to headline: Hard Rock, House of Blues. I don’t know if you’ve got Internet in there, but there are a few cell phone videos of that night that went viral. You’re a superstar.

Love,

Jimmy

Zach

Patrick

Dave (Dad)

Wandering Imagination

Recipient: Guard, Timothy James Gardner
Sender: Julie-Ann Gardner, Wife, Age: 41
Date of receipt: 7-7-2015

Transcript

Dear Tim,

Hey Honey! How are you? I woke up this morning, and was thinking about you, so I decided to sit down and write you an actual letter. How quaint, right? I don’t care. I think it’s a lost art. Also, it’s adorable. You better think so too, if you know what’s good for you.

I need to start off by saying how thankful I am that you got this job. The pay is amazing. They’re paying for our house. Food, on the (what is it called? Please hold. Need thesaurus) commissary is incredibly cheap. The ups are way, way more than the downs. However, I have one complaint: I’m so bored. I. Am. So. Bored.

I don’t know what I expected when I agreed to move with you out the middle of nowhere, Nevada. That’s not true. I know what I thought. I thought, we’ll be close to Vegas! On the weekends, we’ll go stay at fancy hotels and eat exotic foods and meet cool couples from Europe; maybe a Swedish couple named Sven and Lana who make documentaries about sharks. Sven would be the diver/cameraman and Lana would lovingly narrate her husband’s underwater adventures, and they’d be successful because every time Sven got in a hairy situation with a shark, you’d be able to hear Lana’s real-life concern in her narration, letting you know that they really love each other, even though they’re sun burnt and salty.

Granted, I could have looked up Bullfrog County on a map, and seen it was nowhere close to Vegas. But whatever! Who knew Nevada was this big? Why is Nevada this big?? I feel like no matter where I am in the state, I should be a reasonable drive to Vegas or Reno. Or fun. Of any kind.

Ugh.

When we got married, I remember saying the sickness and health thing, but I don’t remember saying anything about letting you torture me to death with boredom.

Relax. I won’t leave you.

Yet.

Kidding!

I know what you’d say, if you were here. You’d tell me to think positive, and turn whatever I’m hating on (soul-crushing boredom) into an opportunity. I am!

I’ve decided to start writing. Since you’re in the Bullpen for two weeks at a time, then back for one, I’ve decided to write two-thousand words a week while you’re on guard duty, and one thousand when you’re off (because I know you’d be heartbroken, if you didn’t get most of my time—the sacrifices I make for you, Timothy Gardner). And every day, I’m going to do a writing exercise from this creative writing class I’m taking online.

Want to know what today’s is? You can write it, too, and then we can compare what we came up with when you get home. No. You do not have to do this. I know you’re working, and busy. I’m just trying to give you something to do, in case you get bored. I hear that’s a real problem out here.

Here it goes:

Today’s exercise is: Show, don’t tell. We’re (I’m) going to pick a scenario with a little detail. Then, we’re going to try and flesh out the characters actions with psychology and emotions. Try to use the five senses as much as possible.

Scenario: Woman goes shopping in the grocery store. She has a lot on her mind, and piles way too much stuff in her cart. When she gets to the checkout line, she’s still on auto-pilot. All her groceries are bagged. She slides her card through the machine, and it declines. She has a breakdown at the cash register and, when the bag boy starts to unpack her stuff, she freaks out and slaps him across the face.

Okay! There’s your food for thought. Go!

Love,

Julie Gardner (Your Beautiful Wife)

Plea to Rev. Damien Thomas

Recipient: Subject 15T442, Damien Thomas
Sender: Curtis Duane Whitmore, Follower, Age: 26
Date of receipt: 8-16-2014

Transcript

Dear Reverend Damien,

This is Curtis Whitmore. I was at New Life when the FBI came in and tried to arrest you. I found it very inspiring how you stopped that man by putting the Holy Spirit in him. It truly made me believe that God is on your side. My mamma was there too, and she believes the same thing.

I felt the Spirit and the protection of Jesus when the tear gas cans came in through the windows. Although it made me cough real bad, I did not die. Thank you for making God protect us right there. It was very scary.

Would you please pray for me to get super powers like you have? If I had super powers like you, I could make people believe in Jesus. I could go to all the bad churches and show people that if you really believe in God, he will give you super powers. Then I could show them that you don’t have to be afraid of anyone, not even your dad or the FBI. Nobody can hurt you if you believe in God and you have super powers. If I could do that, there wouldn’t be any more bad churches and then everyone would be okay. But I wouldn’t want them to have super powers too. It would be good if you and me were the only ones who had them. Could you please pray for that?

There is something I don’t understand. Please answer my question. Why did Jesus wait so long to give people super powers? Or has the government been hiding people with super powers like they are trying to hide you? They can never hide you, because when you are ready, you will just put the Holy Spirit in them like you did to that FBI agent, and then you can escape.

Do you need help to escape? My cousin’s name is Duane. My name is Curtis Duane, but his name is not Duane Curtis. Duane is our grandfather. Duane, my cousin, not Grandpa, is in prison. If you need help to escape, you could pray for Duane to escape. And then he and I can come find you and help you escape, because he will already know how. After we do that, we could stop all the bad people. We would be a team.

I have to go now. But please pray for me and my mama. Also, please pray for the people who go to all the bad churches. I want them to be saved. Also, please help the other people who do not have Jesus in their hearts, like homosexuals and liberals.

Have a blessed day,

Curtis Whitmore

Here's Hoping

Recipient: Subject 14D111, Lydia Delgado
Sender: Manuel Delgado, Father, Age: 44
Date of receipt: 8-16-2014

Transcript

Corazon,

I have the very best news! As you know, very few lawyers have agreed to even look at our case. They say it is because we cannot pay much money, but I have always suspected they do not have the heart to fight against the government. I have spoken with a man from the American Civil Liberties Union, and he seems very interested in your story. He says there is money available for legal support, for people whose rights have been abused. This is you, Lydia! This could be an answer to your mother and your sisters’ prayers.

Your mother and your sisters miss you, Mija. They light candles at St. Paul’s Chapel every day before the restaurant opens, and your mother goes back again after it closes. I miss you as well, My Daughter. Every day without you is empty.

At the restaurant, there is a picture of you on one wall. The booth beneath is always empty, but your friends, your aunts, and many of our regular customers leave flowers and extra money. They light candles to St. Christopher, St. Jude and St. Dominic. Many people feel your absence.

I have enclosed the college texts you asked for. I sent Gabriella to buy them, and when she returned with no change, saying she had to spend some of her own money, I thought she was fibbing, trying to keep the money for herself. I couldn’t blame her; she had to take two trains to get to the right store. Even so, I made her show me the receipt. Dios mio, Lydia, books are so expensive.

I opened one and tried to read it. I understood all the words, but they made no sense to me. You are much smarter than your father. I could not be more proud of you for keeping up your studies.

The place where you are doesn’t sound like a bad place, but still, they cannot keep you away from your family. You should be here with us. You are not dangerous. You are not one of them. Soon, you will be home again. Soon you will return to school. Your mother and I swear this to you. We never stop thinking about you.

Love,

Dad

Where's Koni?

Recipient: Subject 13R496, Anakoni Riggs
Sender: "Marc" unknown connection
Date of receipt: 5-1-2013

Transcript:

K,

After snooping around, and exhausting pretty much all of my contacts, I know you’re in the DELETED desert some sort of research/holding facility people are calling DELETED. Everyone I know seems to be pretty vehement that you’re not in prison, but the way they say it, it kinda sounds like they’re trying to convince me, rather than inform me.

It’s important that you pay attention to that, okay Big Guy? You’re not in prison, and the people who are there are either going through the same things you are, or trying to help you get a handle on things.

I know you get kinda lost sometimes. So try to focus on that. You’re safe, and the people around you are just like you, or they want to help you.

I’m serious, Koni. Don’t let that imagination go crazy. I don’t want to read in my newsfeed about some big crater outside of DELETED DELETED.

Take care, and write back to me f you can. Also, tell whoever’s in charge to get you some friggin’ e-mail.

-Marc

Deadbeat Husband

Recipient: Subject 14K316, Michael Kelly
Sender: Stephanie Kelly (Wife) Age, 37
Date of receipt: 6-15-2014

Transcript:

Dear Michael,

Dr. Robbie says we still need to have an open dialogue, even if we’re apart. I don’t write pretty; I don’t have your way with words, so I’m just going to say everything I need to say. Here it goes:

Your daughter is unmanageable. She constantly argues with me. She spends all her time at your stupid bar. She thinks I don’t know, but really I just need a break from her, so I let her stay. I can’t take her, or her antics. She doesn’t act like this in front of you. I know you think I’m a horrible mother, but you don’t know what she’s like when you’re not around.

I’m sorry to dump on you, Michael, but I just don’t know what to do. Everything is falling apart. I appreciate that you set up an account for me and K, so we still get your portion of the bar money, but you know how bad I am with stuff like that. I’m constantly afraid I’ll overspend, and then what will we do, Michael? I don’t want to live on the street.

And now that you’re gone, K needs all of my attention. Somebody has to drive her places and make sure she behaves, and there’s no one around but me. Do you know what it’s like to not be able to be your own person 24/7, Michael? I’m exhausted. I’m constantly exhausted.

Everyone knows about you, Michael, about the things you can do. How are we supposed to live a normal life, now that people have seen you on TV? What am I supposed to say when people ask about you? Oh, yeah, that’s just my husband, he can make objects out of nothing and sometimes he glows pretty colors. And, oh yeah, apparently he thinks he is a fucking superhero?

Why do you have to get involved with everything, Michael? All I ever wanted was a quiet life and to be comfortable. You wanted to have a baby; we had a baby. But that wasn’t enough? You have to go and get yourself involved with every stupid little thing. Every time you think someone's in danger, it's Michael to the rescue. How did you even know what those kids were planning, anyway?

Don’t think I don’t know, Gabriel put you up to it. Your brother is a pastor, Michael. Anything kids tell him is supposed to be confidential. Him telling you about it, you showing up at that school? What if you go to hell for that, Michael? And even if one of the two of you had to do something, you’ve never heard of the police? What is wrong with you two?

I’m sorry, Michael. I know I sound like a total bitch. I’m just not supposed to be a single mother. This isn’t supposed to be my life. I need to see you, to talk to you in person, but the man from the Government says he can’t tell us where you are. He said we’re, “luckier than some of the others’. What the hell does that even mean? Your daughter needs you.

Dr. Robbie says we need to try and end every communication on a positive note. I hope you’re well.

Love,

Steph

Dad?

Recipient: Subject 14K316, Michael Kelly
Sender: Kamryn Kelly (Daughter) Age, 14
Date of receipt: 6-13-2014

Transcript:

Dad,

I want you to come home. I know you can't, but I don't care. I want you to come home now, and I know it's selfish, and I'm sorry because it's selfish, but I can't help it. 

Ever since you left, Mom has been crazy. Mom is always crazy, but you know how to handle her better than I do. She listens to you, or you know what to say to her, or something. With you gone, she’s hovering over me every five minutes, and I don’t even know what she wants. She doesn’t know what she wants.

Why did they have to take you during the summer? At least if they would have taken you away during school, I would have basketball and cheer. Now, there isn’t anything to do except sit at home, and we can’t even hang out.

I’m at the pub right now, writing this. I don’t like to be here when you’re not, but mom won’t come here. It’s the only place I can get some peace.

Jodi, from the pub, said we should make up a story about you, and where you are, so we could tell people, when they ask, and then it would be like a cool secret, where you really are. I said we should tell people you’re a spy, and that you’re in South America, fighting communists. Jodi laughed. She said I was your daughter and that no UNREADABLE: water on page think like that. She said we should probably tell people you’re in the National Guard, and that you’re deployed. Jodi is pretty smart. But then everything was on the news, and everyone knows LINED OUT: that you’re UNREADABLE: scratched out what happened.

I got my report card. I almost have straight A’s. English was an A, of course. I got an A in science, too. I got a C in math, but I think it’s because Mr. Mendoza hates me. I’m sorry. I’ll do better next year. I think he’s retiring.

Dad, I miss you so much. Why do UNREADABLE: scratched out Why aren’t you here? I hate that it’s summer and you’re not here. I don’t know if you’re allowed to write, but if you can, tell me where we would go on our trip this summer. Last year, we went to Wisconsin. You owe me a better trip than that. I know what you’re going to say: Yes. It was pretty. But really, Dad? Wisconsin? I want to go somewhere cool, like when we went to New Orleans.

I miss you. Please write back, if you can.

Love,

Kamryn Kelly

P.S. I miss you.

P.P.S. I love you.

P.P.P.S. That’s how many post scripts Gandalf’s letter has. Aren’t you proud?

Picture: Dog, doghouse, grass, sun